16 Jul
2010

Safety First. Insanity: A Close Second.

Dear Bad Dad,

My wife is going overboard with baby-proofing the house. How can I make her stop?

– Andrew

Lon G’island, NY

Dear Andrew,

Why did you let her start baby-proofing? A child will insert a fork into an electrical socket and very quickly learn the meaning of “causal relationship” (not to mention “120 volts” and “singed eyebrows.”) The child will make this mistake exactly once. Read More »

26 Jun
2010

Time You Learned Something

Dear Bad Dad,

We’re taking a vacation to a city with a kids’ science museum as well as a child-friendly outdoor nature museum.  Since we only have time to see one, which would you recommend?

Yours,

Max

Amherst, MA

Dear Max,

First, let’s define our terms.  You say you’re “taking a vacation” with your kids.  That, my friend, is a physical impossibility.  For while your addled Dad brain (the one that tells you “How hard could it be to raise kids?  Jon Gosselin does it.”) lets you believe you’re “taking a vacation”, that same brain’s forgotten that “vacation” is defined as “a period of suspension of work, study, or other activity, usually used for rest, recreation, or travel.” Read More »

23 Jun
2010

Not Now, Honey. I’m Bonding With The Kids.

Dear Bad Dad,

I’m all in favor of kids not watching too much TV, but do sports count if your kid is in the room when you are watching a game?

–Sean

Dear Sean,

For the moment, let’s set  aside your whole politically-correct-responsible-father “I’m all in favor of kids not watching too much TV” ploy.  Dear Bad Dad assumes your spouse was reading over your shoulder when you typed that.  Well played, sir. Read More »

19 Jun
2010

BAD DADITORIAL – Barnes & Noble Hates Dads (a/k/a “A Very Special Father’s Day Homily”)

Last weekend, Dear Bad Dad made the mistake of perusing the local Barnes & Noble’s Father’s Day display.

And by “display,” Dear Bad Dad means “small table stacked with random items that might appeal to men … assuming all men were sitcom dads portrayed by some hydra-like Tim Allen-Jim Belushi-Bob Saget demon creature.” It was reminiscent of how the local supermarket puts out every Jewish item in their inventory for Chanukah (“Matzoh ball mix and Sandy Koufax biographies on SALE! Oy, such a deal!”) Read More »

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